Coparenting with a Narcissist in California: Strategies to Protect Your Child and Yourself

Coparenting in California requires patience, communication, and a willingness to work together for the benefit of the child. When one parent has narcissistic traits, however, the process can be emotionally draining and more complex than most custody situations. Narcissists often struggle to put the child’s needs above their own, and their interactions may include manipulation, blame-shifting, or attempts to control the narrative.

At Feak & Revelo, LLP, our San Jose family law attorneys know that understanding these behaviors is the first step toward protecting both your peace of mind and your child’s well-being.

Communicating Effectively While Protecting Yourself

Many parents in this situation ask how to keep communication with a narcissistic coparent as peaceful as possible. The key is to maintain a business-like tone and avoid emotional engagement.

Keep conversations short, focused on the children, and limited to necessary topics such as schedules, school updates, and health matters. If you are using a platform such as Our Family Wizard, the “tone meter” feature can help you identify and adjust language that might escalate conflict before sending a message. If you are communicating by email or text, you might draft your response in a separate document first, review it for neutrality, and even use a tool like ChatGPT to ensure it reads as objective and non-confrontational.

Using De-Escalation Tactics During Disagreements

Disagreements with a narcissistic coparent can spiral quickly if not managed carefully. De-escalation is about redirecting the conversation back to the issue at hand without feeding into emotional provocations.

Speak calmly, avoid personal attacks, and resist the urge to defend yourself against every accusation. If the conversation becomes unproductive, pause and respond later in writing. This approach not only helps maintain your composure but also creates a record of communication, which can be valuable if legal action becomes necessary.

Addressing Harmful Communication with the Children

Sometimes the difficulty is not just between you and your coparent, but also in the way the other parent communicates with the children. When those interactions become harmful, inappropriate, or manipulative, legal remedies may be available.

In California, parents can request the court to issue standard conduct orders that set clear expectations for how each parent must behave when communicating with the children. These orders can help shield the child from damaging interactions and create accountability for both parents. At Feak & Revelo LLP, we regularly advise clients on when and how to file motions for these protections, and we help them present compelling evidence to the court.

How Feak & Revelo LLP Can Help

Navigating coparenting with a narcissist in California requires a combination of personal boundaries, strategic communication, and, in some cases, legal action. Our experienced San Jose family law attorneys understand the emotional and legal complexities of these situations. We provide thoughtful guidance on managing interactions, documenting concerning behavior, and seeking court intervention when necessary.

Contact Feak & Revelo LLP at 408-501-8883 or online today. Our trusted Santa Clara County family law attorneys will help you understand and protect your rights while prioritizing your child’s best interests.